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 When
You Live In A Trailer Park, Every Day’s A Good Day To Drink.
My baby sister Donna Sue Boxcar may be an international icon,
but that girl just cannot fix a Rusty Nail to save her life.
That’s why she asked me to put together this bartender’s
guide to livin’ the high life, trailer park style. Now, you
may be sayin’ to yourself, “Just how well does Donna Sue
know her way around the bar, anyway?” Well, for starters,
I’ve been under it plenty. And in addition to datin’ many
liquor store owners and distributors, I have drank practically
every adult beverage known to man in my career as a professional
drinker. Besides my exotic dancin’ at the Blue Whale Strip
Club, it’s my passion. I tell you, just the smell of cheap
scotch gets me all giddy inside like a young schoolgirl with a
prom date she ain’t related to. All this knowledge is too much
for one woman to keep inside. That’s why I’m prepared to
share with you a lifetime of valuable bartendin’ terms, tips,
supplies, and personal drinkin’ stories gathered from my many
friends, co-workers and admirers that are guaranteed to make you
glad you’ve got a stiff one in your hand. I’m talkin’
vital entertainin’ expertise, like:
- Bartendin’ Basics—strainers, mixers, garnishes,
conventional measurements (jigger, shot, etc.) and
unconventional measurements (mouthful, three fingers, etc.).
- Trailer Park Bars—special mixers like Tab, Orange Crush,
and Chocolate Soldier. No fruit garnishes—we only use that
for cobbler.
- More than 400 recipes, including Hop, Skip, and Go Naked;
Attitude Adjustment; Pangburn Pitbull; and the ever-popular
Frog in a Blender.
- Glassware—Nyquil cups, jelly jars, votive candle holder,
mayonnaise jar, plugged-up funnel, and beer mug, though why
you need a glass for beer I’m sure I don’t know.
- Differences between the kinds of bars—Baptist (small
enough to hide in a closet), Episcopalian bar (fully
stocked, loaded, and ready for any planned or unplanned
event), Northern (lots of cheese), and Southern (lots and
lots of Jell-O).
Lordy, just talkin’ ’bout this makes me want to mix up a
pitcher-full of Pastie Twisters. Don’t just stand there—grab
yourself some ice cubes and swizzle sticks and get ready,
’cause I’ve forgotten more drinks than most bartenders know.
And if you ain’t three sheets to the wind by the time you make
your way through this absolutely essential guide to bartendin’,
honey, well don’t blame Donna Sue.
Donna Sue Boxcar is the older sister of Donna Sue
Boxcar (beautician, international entertainer and singer,
and syndicated columnist). Donna Sue at one time hoped to become
a nurse, but her plans were derailed and instead she is
currently an exotic dancer and bartender in Searcy, Arkansas.
She lives down the street from her sister in the infamous lot #6
at the High Chaparral Trailer Park.
Paperback: 224 pages
Author:
Donna Sue Boxcar / Paper Back / $12.95
Sale Price: $9.95
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